Attorney Beshoy Shehata From Family Law Matters Talks With Katherine About Custody Battles On “It Needs To Be Said”.


Katherine:	Hello, everyone. Thank you so much for joining us today on This Needs To Be Said. One of our friends, he’s been on the show before, and he’s also a partner with Gina in the same Family Law Matters practice, he’s coming with us today to talk about custody battles.
Katherine:	In non-attorney terms, I’m going to share with you what I’ve witnessed. It’s always a struggle, and the children are torn. They don’t want to have to choose one parent over the other. One parent thinks that they’re better. That’s just on the outside, the consumer’s side. But on the legal side, our attorney friend, Attorney Beshoy Shehata is going to join us and talk with us about custody battles, what that looks like, and when you need to be in touch with him and his friends at Family Law Matters.
Katherine:	Welcome back to This Needs To Be Said, Beshoy. How are you?
Beshoy Shehata:	I am doing wonderful, Katherine. Pleasure to be here with you.
Katherine:	How did I do with your name?
Beshoy Shehata:	Wonderful.
Katherine:	All right. We going to jump right into our interview. When people get a divorce, we often hear about custody battles. So I just shared a little bit of the water cooler talk of the people who aren’t attorneys, what we might think and say. In your world, in your practice, what does that mean when people come to you, or they’re going through a divorce, and they have to deal with a custody battles?
Beshoy Shehata:	To me, it’s a simple concept. It’s essentially a custody dispute typically over the time spent with the children. So it doesn’t necessarily have to be ugly. It doesn’t necessarily have to have a negative connotation. It’s just two parties needing to establish rules and boundaries and guidelines to help them raise their children.
Katherine:	Okay. Look, I feel dumb now. I should have allowed you to speak first because I’m thinking, “Wow, yeah. I did have the kids just absolutely go away.” But just talking about how you spend time with the children. I can understand that. So with custody battles, is this only during divorce, or could this happen in other scenarios?
Beshoy Shehata:	It could absolutely happen in multiple other scenarios. So typically it can happen in, what we call, a paternity action where the parties are not married, but they have a child together. It could happen in instances of domestic violence where there is a child involved. And it could actually also happen in guardianships where a party is seeking guardianship of the children for one reason or another. So there’s quite a few other types of cases that it can happen in.
Katherine:	Now you did say that custody is about sharing time with the children when we started talking about custody battles at the top of this interview. You also mentioned it doesn’t have to be ugly. Now, my experience has not been that it wasn’t ugly because it was like a tug of war. Maybe not just brutal, but it didn’t seem like everybody wanted to do this nicely. So when we’re talking about custody orders, is it ever a time when there’s… Oh gosh, I’m tangling up my words. I’m sorry. What’s the process when that is happening, when they’re fighting over the children?
Beshoy Shehata:	So typically if they’re fighting, and it’s through the court, the process starts with the filing with the court. It takes one party to file a motion. And then what happens is the court would set two court dates. The initial is what we call mediation or CCRC. The second date would be the actual court date. But at mediation either the parties reach an agreement or there’s a recommendation that is issued by a professional.
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Katherine:	Okay. I’m listening to you, but I’m thinking about when my youngest son and his dad, well me and his dad, went to do this thing. So I’m like, “Okay. I didn’t know that’s what it was called.” We had a mediation. We set up the arrangements for who gets him on which days. This has been 20 years ago, now. We weren’t married, and so I didn’t think of it as a custody battle.
Katherine:	Audience, this needs to be said. Audience, these are the things. These are elephants in the room, in my opinion, because you assume you know. And I did think I knew, Attorney Beshoy, before we got started today. I thought I knew. So I’m stumbling today because I’m like, “Oh,” because my mind is already thinking that, “Oh, I know what that is.” And then when you say something, I’m like, “Oh, that’s not quite what it…” or, “It’s not that bad.”
Katherine:	When we talk with the attorneys on This Needs To Be Said, we’re wanting people to be able to be more comfortable with the idea and asking questions and knowing. I try to be as authentic as I can during these interviews. I do not know the answers before they give them to me. I do not know, so my dumbness is genuine, and you can see that they’re not saying, “You’re dumb, and you don’t know that.” They want us to be comfortable with speaking with them. Our lives have so many different variables that are affected. And when you are able to speak with someone who’s very knowledgeable, not someone who thinks they know, someone who knows they know the information you need to give you a better chance at having the life that you want. And it’s okay.
Katherine:	Each time that they’ve come on to the show, they’ve talked about divorce which is a tough topic, or anything dealing with you have to make a decision with changing the layout of your family. So Attorney Beshoy, I just wanted to stop and add that because I want people to realize that I’m not off today but also that you’re genuine in how you’re answering, and you’re not looking at me less than because I don’t know these things. I want people to understand that so that they’re more comfortable with approaching you and asking for help before it’s too late or before they get frustrated and it is a bad thing. So I wanted to pause there.
Beshoy Shehata:	Absolutely. And if I may add, Katherine, an attorney’s job is to help the parties. It’s not our job to judge. It’s not our job to criticize. It’s our job to think outside the box and help the parties reach an agreement. That is the essence. That is the purpose. This is why we do what we do.
Katherine:	That is fantastic. I think that takes a lot off because you do feel… We’ve already judged ourselves before coming to you, so that is a thought of ease. Our next question, “You hear stories about how judges are biased towards mom,” I have heard that, “or judges are biased towards dads.” I’ve actually heard more so they’re biased towards moms, “What has been your experience with the practice?”
Beshoy Shehata:	Based on my professional experience, that is actually not the case. That is a myth. The court doesn’t really side with one parent or another. The court has a specific purpose and that is determining what is in the best interest of the child. That means the court has to assess and determine which parent is best fit to help the child and satisfy those needs of the child. The child, depends on the age, has different needs. Treating a two year old and treating a 14 year old the same doesn’t work. So the court has to consider a multitude of factors in determining which parent is actually in a better position, I don’t want to say is fit, but in a better position to help raise that child or children.
Katherine:	Okay. On the outside looking in, not being in the legal process, it seems like the moms get the children more. I thought it was just because the judge says, “Okay, this kid needs to be with their mom,” just that simply. And I’ve talked with other people, and it’s been that way, too. What you just said doesn’t come into play in our mind because we’re not thinking that there was a way to deduce this would be the better option for this child.
Katherine:	I always think about judge’s jobs because they’re there to hear the information and make a decision. How does a judge make such an important decision, and does the judge have to have the help of experts when they’re doing a custody order? Have they been certified themselves? That’s a big job. How do they do that?
Beshoy Shehata:	So the judge has a family code to abide by, but he also has the help of experts. Those are the experts that come in through mediation. So I mentioned earlier that when the process starts, the court will set two dates. The initial date is what’s called CCRC, which stands for child custody recommendation counseling, or simply put, mediation.
Beshoy Shehata:	At that appointment, the parties are present with a professional, and that professional’s job is to analyze the situation and help the parties think outside the box and reach an agreement. The mediator’s job is to listen to both parties, address all the concerns, take all of the concerns into account, and then do one of two things, either help the parties reach an agreement, or if that is not the case, then he issues a professional recommendation depending on which county you’re in because some counties are mandatory reporting to the judge others are not. But Riverside County’s a mandatory reporting, so the mediator has to issue a recommendation to the judge taking into consideration everything that’s been discussed at that appointment.
Beshoy Shehata:	Then it’s up to the judge at this point to analyze the report. The parties get another attempt, or another opportunity, if they don’t agree with the recommendation to dispute it in court and make arguments in court and then the judge, taking those arguments, the recommendation, and the party’s input into consideration, makes a decision as to what’s in the best interest of the child. Now, I know that this is a mouthful, but this is just in a nut shell.
Katherine:	Do you think that what you just shared could be a reason for people to try to work it out? Because there’s a lot that the decision has to go through to come back and say, “Okay, this is what we’ve decided.” I just don’t know that when we get mad and fall out or can’t get along with our humans anymore that we think about everything that’s going to have to go into a group of people are going to have to help you. Anyway, that was a mouthful, but that’s a lot to go through. Now, there’s an acronym you all shared with me, and I was curious about it. What is CCRC?
Beshoy Shehata:	So CCRC stands for child custody recommendation counseling, another word for mediation.
Katherine:	You were just talking about that. Now, I have attended mediation, but again, it’s been like 20 years ago, and I can’t remember all the processes. So, audience, you need to take a pen and paper out because I’m not the expert here. But what tips do you have for people who are going to attend CCRC?
Beshoy Shehata:	Your children are your most precious asset. So my first piece of advice is take it seriously. Treat it as a job interview. As I mentioned Riverside County, specifically, is a reporting county. Meaning that everything that is said in your mediation is noted down and reported back to the judge. So parties who go into mediation and they’re fighting and yelling at each other and not being cooperative, I guarantee you that is going to end up in the recommendation in a memo to the judge.
Katherine:	Ouch, ouch.
Beshoy Shehata:	So the first thing you absolutely must do is treat it seriously and be very, very careful of what you say. This doesn’t mean that don’t speak the truth. This doesn’t mean that don’t address all of your concerns. Just choose your words wisely.
Katherine:	What happens if we can’t get along? I heard you, but I’m not able to do it.
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Beshoy Shehata:	So if that is the case, then the mediator would issue a recommendation to the court. If the parties don’t agree with the recommendation, they have the opportunity to dispute it in court, and they get to take it even a step further than that. If the parties after the court, the judge makes an order, they don’t agree with the order, they have the ability to solicit additional professional help through the evidence code 730. So it’s called the 730 evaluation where a professional, a psychologist essentially appointed by the court, would conduct a series of tests for the parents, interview the child with each parent, interview the child independently. His job is to assess the child and the relationship with the parents and help issue an even further detailed report to the court. Now, that report is typically anywhere from 10 to 40 pages of here is everything that’s happened. And it does take some time.
Katherine:	Yeah. Anything you have to change or alter because this is going to be our new normal. So there’s steps to take. We couldn’t get along, and I don’t agree with the court’s orders. There are continuous steps that I can take, and you called it the 730 evaluation, what you were just describing.
Beshoy Shehata:	Exactly.
Katherine:	So how do I go about getting the 730? I’m trying to figure out how the process works. You may have said it, but I didn’t grasp it. I don’t agree with the court order. How do I get the 730 evaluation? Is that when I come to you?
Beshoy Shehata:	So there’s a couple of ways to do it. The easiest way would be to request it when you’re at the court. Request that a 730 evaluation be conducted. Otherwise, you can always come back and file a motion requesting a 730. In my professional opinion, it’s a lot easier to ask for it right then and there because it’s less paperwork that has to be filed, and the judge is likely to make the order while you’re there.
Katherine:	Okay. Well, that’s efficient. That’s good to know. And you still can be cordial. These are tense topics, and I know that when you’re trying to decide what’s going to be your new normal, what’s the best thing. Maybe you have a different way of raising your children, and they would need to be with you so you can raise them and discipline them the way you want to. But again, this process is to help you with your new normal, and it’s not about one parent getting their way over the other. He’s already shared that with us. Attorney Beshoy has shared that with us.
Katherine:	Now, we’re talking about a custody battle, or we’re talking about getting custody or when to spend time with the children or who’s the best fit. But I hadn’t heard you really go into the children get to choose. So is that a myth that the children have more say than the parents do about where they go?
Beshoy Shehata:	Well, Katherine, it varies from case to case.
Katherine:	Okay.
Beshoy Shehata:	I know the family code says that a child that is 14 years or older may have a say, may have an input. But it’s not the deciding rule. It’s not the deciding factor. So the court may take into consideration a child’s wishes at that age, but the court is not obligated to abide by it.
Katherine:	We’ve covered a lot. Thank goodness for podcasts so that people can go back and listen to these over and over as well as they can get in touch with you outside of This Needs To Be Said. So as we wrap up, do you have any closing thoughts for everyone?
Beshoy Shehata:	Yes. With custody, as I mentioned earlier, your children are your most precious assets, so please take this topic seriously. I understand that hiring an attorney is scary. Hiring an attorney can be financially burdensome at times. But what you have to weigh is what’s worth more, your children’s livelihood or hiring an attorney. And in my professional opinion, attorney’s can make it or break it. They can make a situation a lot smoother and a lot better. So before you decide to do this on your own and before you decide to make any decision, consult with an attorney. I know here at Family Law Matters, we’re dedicating to helping parents through this hard time. This is what we do for a living, and we do it very, very well. We do have free consults if you mention this podcast or if you mention our website. And at least get a professional’s opinion on your case, your circumstances. Because as I said, again, it varies from case to case.
Katherine:	Absolutely. Give them the website before we close the interview. And thank you for your time today, Attorney Beshoy Shehata. I said it right.
Beshoy Shehata:	Absolutely. My pleasure. Our actual physical location is in Corona. The physical address is 9036 Pulsar Court. Again, that’s 9036 Pulsar Court, Suite A as in Adam. The phone number there is 951-263-7377.
Katherine:	All right. Thank you so much. Have a wonderful day, until next time.
Beshoy Shehata:	Absolutely. My pleasure. God bless you all, and look forward to our next interview.
Katherine:	Same here.
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